Powerful Guilt, Even More Powerful Secrecy (Pages1-100)

Amir has so much anger built up on him and the added guilt will slowly deteriorate him. There is so much contradiction in his feelings for Hassan. He should be grateful and feel blessed to have such a loyal companion and servant that would give up anything for him. At the same time he is constantly feeling like he is competing for his father’s affection. I still blame Baba for basically turning his son into some sort of scavenger for affection and jealous of any bit of attention and praise. That is what made him value the kite more than saving Hassan. However, I am seeing a extremely dark side to Amir. For example throwing the rocks at a bear when no one is looking in the zoo, yelling at Ali to start the stove, and throwing the pomegranates at Hassan, which was hard and sad to picture. I think he has these outburst because he wants to feel pain for doing something wrong. Instead of owning up and telling the truth about Hassan, Amir wants to be punished, and thinks that “an eye for an eye” mentality will solve his problems. These superficial solutions will not treat his deep wounds. If Hassan were to throw pomegranates back at Amir, it may make Amir feel better in that moment, but it would not help solve the true problem. Like how winning the kite tournament and running the 2nd place kite did not solve the issues with his father, Amir needs to try to be honest, or the guilt will take over him. 

There is a resemblance between the guilt Amir is feeling and the guilt of Raskolnikov (the main character of Crime and Punishment). Rasknikov and Amir are both characters who’s guilt eats away at them, so much to where it seems like they would be more content to being punished then living a lie.  At the same time they will go to far extents to keep their secrets. For example when Ali and Baba asks if anything was wrong with Hassan, Amir is defensive and conceal the truth. It creates an internal battle within themselves of wanting to feel accepted, but not doing the right things to get accepted. Amir and Hassan have to deal with a lot of pressure and make life altering decisions at such a young age.

I think before people judge their way of life and split in hierarchy between the Hazara and Pashtun, we cannot forget about American history.